I hate to say it, but as a life-long New Yorker, I’ve experienced that too often. And it is alienating. I feel like I want to take their head and turn it towards me and say, “hey, I’m here, you know! Aren’t you at all glad to have a friendly customer?” (apparently not so…)

How do you think your audience feels when they see you up there presenting without maintaining eye contact and with a very serious look on your face? Maybe the same?

The fact is that most audiences are positively disposed towards presenters. They either want to or have to be there, and would rather give the presenter the benefit of the doubt and believe that the experience will be interesting and informative. They are there to offer their attention and support, but only if you reciprocate. And that means giving them your attention and taking in their support.

Probably the simplest way to do this is through eye contact. It’s the most fundamental way to create a connection with a person, and with the audience. And it simultaneously makes us vulnerable, putting ourselves out there for the other person/audience. “The eyes are the window to the soul.” So making eye contact, one person at a time, helps them to connect with you and thus connect with your presentation.

Smiling is also important in forming connections. How open is someone to a person who never smiles? A completely serious face tells us to “go away.” It’s not an open face. It is not interested in connecting with anyone.

That is not to say to deliver a presentation grinning like you’ve just won the Lotto, but smiling at appropriate times, especially in conjunction with eye contact, will do a lot to predispose your audience towards you. And then you need to take in their support. Don’t close off to the positive energy they are offering. You can feel it, and you need to take it in, or they will feel as alienated as they would from the unfriendly cashier. No one wants to give someone the “gift” of their attention and support and have it handed back to them saying, “no thanks!”

You can easily practice this in daily life. Try with that unfriendly cashier and see if they change their tune. Practice it with co-workers, friends, family, the bus driver. Look them in the eyes and smile and say hello and look for their response. You may take some of them off guard, but chances are that with some practice, you will notice people becoming more open to you, and connecting with you more.

Then you can try it in meetings and in your presentations, and watch what happens.

Until the next time…

Kayla

“Unlike some candidates, Obama ‘comes across more like a common person and has an aura of authenticity.”

– Dori Molitar, the Chief Executive of WomanWise, as quoted in an article from the NY Times from July 22, 2007, (“Campaign Chic: Not too Cool, Never Ever Hot, by Guy Trebay, about presidential candidates and what their clothes say about them.

Speaking of authenticity, Trebay also quotes Bill Carrick, a Democratic political strategist. “[Authenticity is] the one thing you’ve got to worry about. If someone doesn’t come across as real and believable in their image, they’re not going to be believable in their content either.”

Most people have an automatic meter for authenticity. You can dress someone up, but unless there is consistency in all aspects of a person’s communication, he or she will not appear to be believable, trustworthy or genuine.

The three components of a communication, are considered to be physical behaviors and appearance, voice and words. And according to the famous study by Albert Mehrabian, the three factors matter in that order.

The content of what someone says, wonderful as it may be, will seem hollow and false if it is not in alignment with what people “get” from the speaker by seeing his or her body language, appearance, physical energy and style.

It’s not necessary for every speaker to be beautiful, dressed impeccably or even standing up straight. Speakers simply need to be authentic and passionate about what they say, and behave in an integrated fashion. An audience will trust and believe you when you are a physical manifestation of your words.

Until the next time…